How Do You Master the Art of Not Giving Af
It made me rethink all the times I ever gave a fuck over some of the most irrelevant things in hindsight. It made me
It made me rethink all the times I ever gave a fuck over some of the about irrelevant things in hindsight. It made me realize that information technology'south sometimes necessary to have a stride back and re-evaluate why I think so-and-and so on a daily basis.
I likewise wrote down a lot of Marker Manson's writing into my notes because I knew I would need it in the near future. And I would similar to thank him for answering quite a lot of fears of mine with such a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck was both personally relevant and entertaining.
Hither are a few pieces that helped me and then some:
"The primal to a good life is not giving a fuck about more; it's giving a fuck about less, giving a fuck about only what is true and immediate and important."
"Because when you give too many fucks—when you lot give a fuck about everyone and everything—you volition experience that you're perpetually entitled to be comfortable and happy at all times, that everything is supposed to be just exactly the fucking way y'all want it to be. This is a sickness. And information technology will eat yous alive. You volition see every arduousness as an injustice, every claiming as a failure, every inconvenience as a personal slight, every disagreement as a expose. You lot will be confined to your own petty, skull-sized hell, called-for with entitlement and rant, running circles effectually your very own personal Feedback Loop from Hell, in abiding motion nonetheless arriving nowhere"
Yep! This is exactly how I feel when I give also many fucks virtually things that have little lasting affect on my life.
"Life is essentially an endless series of problems, Marker," the panda told me. He sipped his beverage and adjusted the fiddling pink umbrella. "The solution to one problem is but the creation of the next 1."
A moment passed, and and then I wondered where the fuck the talking panda came from. And while we're at information technology, who fabricated these margaritas?
"Don't promise for a life without problems," the panda said. "There's no such thing. Instead, hope for a life full of expert issues."
Disappointment Panda was one of the best additions to this volume.
"Who you are is defined by what you lot're willing to struggle for. People who enjoy the struggles of a gym are the ones who run triathlons and have chiseled abs and tin bench-printing a modest house. People who enjoy long workweeks and the politics of the corporate ladder are the ones who wing to the meridian of it. People who enjoy the stresses and uncertainties of the starving creative person lifestyle are ultimately the ones who alive it and go far.
This is non virtually willpower or dust. This is non another admonishment of "no hurting, no proceeds." This is the nearly elementary and bones component of life: our struggles make up one's mind our successes. Our problems birth our happiness, along with slightly ameliorate, slightly upgraded problems.
See: it'southward a never-ending upward screw. And if you think at any point y'all're immune to stop climbing, I'm agape you're missing the point. Because the joy is in the climb itself."
This book is slowly but surely shifting my world.
"If yous want to change how you see your problems, yous accept to change what yous value and/or how you measure failure/success."
"Honesty is a expert value because it'southward something you accept complete command over, it reflects reality, and it benefits others (even if it'southward sometimes unpleasant). Popularity, on the other hand, is a bad value. If that's your value, and if your metric is existence the nigh popular guy/girl at the dance party, much of what happens will be out of your control: you don't know who else volition be at the event, and you probably won't know who half those people are. Second, the value/metric isn't based on reality: you lot may feel pop or unpopular, when in fact you lot accept no fucking clue what anybody else actually thinks about you lot. (Side Note: Equally a rule, people who are terrified of what others recollect near them are actually terrified of all the shitty things they retrieve about themselves being reflected back at them.)"
That side note is speaking the truth!!!
"I'chiliad not proverb that this excused what my ex did—not at all. Just recognizing my mistakes helped me to realize that I possibly hadn't been the innocent victim I'd believed myself to be. That I had a role to play in enabling the shitty human relationship to go on for as long as it did. After all, people who date each other tend to accept similar values. And if I dated someone with shitty values for that long, what did that say about me and my values? I learned the hard manner that if the people in your relationships are selfish and doing hurtful things, it's likely yous are too, you lot just don't realize it."
Taking responsibly for your actions, but not blaming yourself was ane of the most valuable lessons I got from Mark Manson.
"A lot of people might hear all of this and so say something like, "Okay, only how? I get that my values suck and that I avert responsibility for all of my issues and that I'yard an entitled little shit who thinks the world should circumduct around me and every inconvenience I feel—but how do I change?"
And to this I say, in my best Yoda impersonation: "Do, or do not; in that location is no 'how.' "
You are already choosing, in every moment of every mean solar day, what to requite a fuck about, so alter is equally simple as choosing to give a fuck about something else.
Information technology actually is that simple. It'due south just not easy.
Information technology's non piece of cake because yous're going to feel like a loser, a fraud, a dumbass at first. Y'all're going to be nervous. You're going to freak out. You may get pissed off at your wife or your friends or your father in the procedure. These are all side effects of changing your values, of irresolute the fucks you're giving. Just they are inevitable.
It's uncomplicated just actually, really hard."
"Growth is an endlessly iterative process. When we learn something new, we don't go from "wrong" to "right." Rather, we become from incorrect to slightly less incorrect. And when nosotros learn something additional, nosotros go from slightly less incorrect to slightly less wrong than that, and then to even less wrong than that, and so on. Nosotros are always in the process of approaching truth and perfection without really ever reaching truth or perfection."
He'due south changing my world correct now.
"We all accept values for ourselves. We protect these values. We endeavor to live up to them and we justify them and maintain them. Even if nosotros don't mean to, that's how our brain is wired. As noted before, nosotros're unfairly biased toward what we already know, what nosotros believe to exist certain. If I believe I'm a overnice guy, I'll avert situations that could potentially contradict that belief. If I believe I'm an awesome melt, I'll seek out opportunities to testify that to myself over and over once again. The belief always takes precedence. Until we change how nosotros view ourselves, what we believe we are and are not, we cannot overcome our avoidance and feet. We cannot change.
In this way, "knowing yourself" or "finding yourself" tin can be dangerous. It can cement you into a strict role and saddle you with unnecessary expectations. It can close y'all off to inner potential and outer opportunities.
I say don't observe yourself. I say never know who you are. Because that'due south what keeps you striving and discovering. And information technology forces you to remain apprehensive in your judgments and accepting of the differences in others."
I didn't even realize I felt this style until I saw it so conspicuously on newspaper.
"In that location's a kind of self-assimilation that comes with fearfulness based on an irrational certainty. When you presume that your airplane is the one that's going to crash, or that your project idea is the stupid one everyone is going to express joy at, or that you're the one everyone is going to choose to mock or ignore, you're implicitly telling yourself, "I'thou the exception; I'm unlike everybody else; I'm different and special."
This is narcissism, pure and simple. You feel every bit though your problems deserve to be treated differently, that your bug take some unique math to them that doesn't obey the laws of the physical universe.
My recommendation: don't be special; don't be unique. Redefine your metrics in mundane and wide means. Choose to measure out yourself not as a rising star or an undiscovered genius. Choose to measure yourself non as some horrible victim or dismal failure. Instead, mensurate yourself past more mundane identities: a student, a partner, a friend, a creator."
That matter about the plane is 100% me!! So I go information technology know: if y'all think yous're special—determine not to exist.
"The want to avert rejection at all costs, to avoid confrontation and disharmonize, the desire to attempt to accept everything equally and to make everything cohere and harmonize, is a deep and subtle form of entitlement. Entitled people, considering they feel as though they deserve to feel peachy all the fourth dimension, avoid rejecting anything because doing so might make them or someone else feel bad. And considering they pass up to reject anything, they live a valueless, pleasure-driven, and cocky-absorbed life. All they give a fuck most is sustaining the high a footling bit longer, to avoid the inevitable failures of their life, to pretend the suffering away."
"If you make a sacrifice for someone yous care near, it needs to exist considering you lot want to, not because you feel obligated or considering you lot fear the consequences of not doing then. If your partner is going to brand a sacrifice for yous, information technology needs to considering he or she genuinely wants to, not because you've manipulated the sacrifice through anger or guilt. Acts of dear are valid just if they're performed without conditions or expectations."
Damn, I wasn't prepared for The Subtle Fine art of Not Giving a F*ck to completely change my worldview in such a meaningful way. I will cherish this volume for a long time to come up.
four.5/five stars
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Source: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/28257707-the-subtle-art-of-not-giving-a-f-ck
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